Day 24 and so it continues

 "this too shall pass"

Time after time in my adult life I have made very strong, very passionate, and at times very stupid decisions (shoutout to me for being able to make a decision), but sticking with the decision... well we've got some work to do in that department. 

This time feels different, but it's not about how I feel. If I just did what I felt like, I wouldn't be writing this right now, I'd be approximately 2 minutes into my next episode of vampire diaries. But therein lies the problem, is that historically I do have a track record of making my decisions based on the way I feel, which can be beneficial at times to leverage energy, but the problem within the pattern lies in the discontinuation of the feeling that led to the decision being made. 

I felt like I needed a complete rework of my life in 2020 when I quit valley strong, so with all the emotion and passion and drive I could muster, I quit my job, I cleaned out my closet, and I set course for the rest of my life and thennnn something changed in my feeling and I didn't really work that hard at creating the life I wanted 

and then I felt like I needed to shed my identity so I shaved my hair that I had been growing for 7 years, told everyone around me I am taking control of my life and thennnnn something changed in the way I felt and cared more about porn and video games than creating anything or developing myself

and then and then and then

"this too shall pass"

the double edged sword. pain, trauma, fatigue, it doesn't last forever. neither do feelings. but principles those can stay the same

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to revolve my life, my actions or lack thereof on the way that I feel

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change the way that I live my life when the way that I feel changes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to give myself such a fickle foundation from which to grow by not grounding myself in a set of principles to live by

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to change the principles that I live by when the way that I feel changes

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that when I make emotional decisions based on how I feel, if there is no foundation of principle within that decision then as soon as the emotion fades or the feeling changes that there will be nothing left to stand on and I will free fall until a new emotion or feeling arises for me to make a new decision

I see realize and understand the point of why it makes no practical sense to make decisions or live based on emotions and feelings alone, and so

I commit myself to read the self-perfected principles aloud to my self to establish the foundation in which my decisions should be made