Day 3: Equivalent EXPRESSion

 It was not many days ago that I was prompted by the thought of suppression. I noticed day after day week after week of being at work, that my understanding of why men who work drink alcohol, smoke weed, do drugs, zone out on tv and video games, etc. I haven't seen the point for myself until very recently, but I finally realized, I have been doing any and everything I can (figuratively speaking) to suppress the way that I felt, doing hard work in the heat, working a job making someone else rich, not building a business or creating a life that I want. During my writing yesterday I got up from my computer and felt a lot of tension internally like there was something building up, when I realized, I had not yet taken the time to read my forgiveness aloud. What was missing was the physical expression. I forgot if I want to feel good I don't need to suppress, I need to EXPRESS.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to intentionally suppress my internal state, not seeing realizing and understanding that when and as I feel bad, suppressing that feeling buries that feeling deeper within me, whereas expressing that feeling allows me to physically let it go and redirect myself.
    This simple realization goes a long way to explaining why I have continued creating what I do not want because my internal state has been a reflection of all of the "bad" feelings that I have continued to hold within me

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not express myself, there was a day when my son was expressing himself very loudly and I too joined him in this expression. What I saw realized and understood during these moments with my son is that I was holding back from fully expressing myself and could not understand why, within this point I saw how simple it would be to program my son to then begin to start holding back little by little from his full expression because that it what is being modeled unconsciously by his father, and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not participate in a full me, who lives is complete expression

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to feel believe myself unequal to anyone or anything. When and as I see myself feeling unequal I have suppressed myself in order to create any conflict within others around me and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be a people pleaser, not seeing realizing and understanding people pleasing is a form of suppression wherein I withhold myself from expressing myself to others participating in the excuse of "its not my place"

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not stand up to abuse, I can now clearly see realize and understand that not standing up to abuse is not only a form of suppression, but also it is a participating of the abuse. If I am not going to stand up to abuse then who will. Within this point I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to HOPE that others will be the ones to stand up in my place, not seeing realizing and understanding that if I continue to HOPE for change, change will never occur

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that participation in hope is a form of suppression, that if I am waiting for someone or something to create the circumstance I desire then I will not be fully expressing myself in order to create that circumstance for myself 

Within these points I see realize and understand that to continue to suppress is to continue to accept and allow a world wherein we live in a system that thrives on abuse, and so

I commit myself to read aloud the self forgiveness statements that I write every day in order to fully express and let go the internal tension