Day 4: Feel Good Inc

I'm going to share a thought that I had regarding the pain in my body and how it has affected my life. It goes as such, when I feel a lot of pain in my body I do what I can to not do anything that will make me feel bad. When I don't do anything because I am in pain I feel bad because I feel like I am being lazy, unproductive, etc. when I feel bad for being unproductive, I typically will suppress that feeling with porn or entertainment. When I suppress myself by watching porn or binging entertainment, I feel even worse and the cycle continues to perpetuate itself. What I have not seen realized and understood until now seeing this pattern in front of me is that my intention within all of these different points is to feel good right now, yet the things that I am doing are all things that cause me to feel bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in a perpetuating cycle of causing myself to feel bad

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to base my actions on how I feel, not seeing realizing and understanding that acting based on how I feel with the starting point of avoiding my bad feelings is only going to create more of that in my life

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not base my actions and decisions from the starting point of what is best

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to avoid the way that I feel, not seeing realizing and understanding the point from a previous days' writing that, to suppress the way that I feel is to bury the seed of that feeling and the more I continue to suppress and avoid it I am providing a fertile soil for that seed to prosper

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to delay my process up until this point, to avoid walking through the points that I am faced with every day to allow myself a fertile soil to grow

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to be afraid of the way that I feel, not seeing realizing and understanding that the only way out is through and that fear is just a waterfall

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to support suppression through my own acceptances and allowances

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that suppression is what is going to make me feel better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to only act in such a way to provide an outcome where I feel good as soon as possible

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to focus more on feelings than on the principles which are based on what is best

I see realize and understand that searching for feelings will always lead me to be searching and so

I commit myself to read the self-perfected principles to see where I must change to produce a consequence thats best for me and all life always