Day 37

 Sometimes a huge part of my resistance to writing is just not knowing what to write about. Do I write about porn, video games, disappointment, the way I feel, I don't know.

What I do know is that just starting and writing something is better than writing nothing. That's the quarter of life that I am in right now. Doing something is better than doing nothing. Doing just 1 basics list is better than doing no TT. Doing self-forgiveness even if I don't go all the way into the point is better than not doing any reflection at all. Not looking at porn is better than looking at porn ( there's no gray area on that one) 

The point being, 4 weeks ago before I set these standards for myself, I don't know what I was doing. I don't know what I was doing to improve myself, I don't know what I was doing to reflect on my life, I don't know how destructive my destructive habits were

Q1 of the rest of my life is not about perfection, it's not even close. It's not even about foundation at this point. Right now we're in the blueprint stage, and that will probably even continue into next quarter. Figuring out where I am at, what works and what doesn't, what I need to change, and executing. That may take a year before I am ready to break ground and lay the foundation. 

That doesn't mean not moving, or being busy instead of productive. It means setting realistic standards of growth for myself, building the necessary discipline and habits necessary for said growth, and then channeling the two into definite action to be taken.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe it is better to do nothing related to growth than to do a little bit related to growth

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I am not 100% into something that its better to be 0% into it, not seeing realizing and understanding that is a very easy way to remain the same

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to choose to remain the same than to challenge myself to grow bit by bit

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not challenge my patterns

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not show up for my utmost potential every day even if I only give it 1% effort

I commit myself to complete my TT and writing every day for the remainder of the month