Day 36I

 I passed my life and health insurance exam today. That was relieving.

It's interesting to see how my level of stress decreased so dramatically once I saw that "passed" banner post exam.

I then tonight was going through and updating my trackers and noticed how I have not been on top of my habits this week and it has me wondering how the stress of having this exam affected me without my knowing, to reflect on a previous writing about how I have been created as and have continued to create a character that gets overwhelmed by stress quickly.

Was is the stress or was it just the habits revolving around stress

procrastination

negotiating agreements made with myself

binging entertainment

Like just now, spent half an hour distracting myself from doing this.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to shy away from having hard conversations with myself

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to fear confrontation

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist confrontation for fear of losing someone's good graces including my own

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to people please to the extent of trying to avoid confrontation with myself 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to resist being honest about the way I feel with myself and with others

I commit myself to leave my phone in a separate room while working on my TT and my writing process