I had a really good week last week. I hit 7/7 days on my TT, as well as 7/7 days w/o searching for, looking at, or watching porn. That's a big step in the right direction. My writing could have used some improvement as well as my dedication to my studies, but the point is progress which I made.
Throughout this growth, I have incorporated diet and exercise as a necessary point in my daily process and I feel like it has created a sense of urgency inside of me that is not supportive to my overall growth. Yes, I believe speed is a necessary factor to consider, but moving with speed and rushing are two separate points
I feel as if I have been rushing.
rushing to eat
rushing to play
rushing to work
rushing home
rushing calls
rush rush rush, all in the name of achieving results faster through volume of activity vs achieving results through quality of activity. practice in itself CAN be good, but its perfect practice that yields the results.
I think growth is good, but I think now being 3 weeks into this quarter its time to take a step up from just doing the activity to actually trying to maximize the growth I can get out of the activity. writing 5 self-forgiveness statements is great, but have I learned anything about myself?
doing my tt is great, but did I just zone out the whole time?
clocking time on my course is necessary, but am I better preparing myself for my test?
All of these things that I am doing I set out to do because I believed they would be instrumental in supporting me to grow from the person that I was at the beginning of the quarter into the person that I need to be to see my dreams realized
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to do the minimum necessary to say that I have done better than the day prior, I see realize and understand that goal is to continually do better, but within I also see realize and understand that 1+1 grows much faster than 1+.01
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that doing what I committed to do may have been better than where I started, but that will not sustain the growth necessary to achieve peak performance, I see realize and understand that I must push myself a step further day after day if I truly wish to achieve peak performance. I can't just show up anymore
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to hold myself back from pouring everything I have into myself, I see realize and understand the trap of putting too much on my plate at once, but also there is self-honesty to be found within, where do you draw the line between too much and just enough
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to limit myself in my belief of what I am capable of, using my past failures and burnouts as an excuse to not push harder than the last time or as an excuse to not do more than before, I see realize and understand that I have accepted and allowed a character to exist within and as me that is highly susceptible to burnout
I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in the thought processes that have impulsed on me such as "you get sick when you're stressed, you burnout easy, you get sick when you get overwhelmed, etc" not seeing realizing and understanding how my active participation in these thought patterns has created a reality wherein I get sick when I get stressed, I burnout east, I get sick when I am overwhelmed etc.
I see realize and understand clearly the difference between taking a monumental step vs a tiny step forward and within this that both points represent progress, but I see realize and understand now that to focus on making minimal progress is to make no progress at all in my drive to succeed and so I commit myself to only working on the task I set out to when it comes to doing my writing, my TT, and coursework meaning no phone, no distractions
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