Day 9: Money trees is the perfect place for shade

Often times, and this is something that has happened since I first began this writing process, I do not know what to write about. Today I find myself in a similar position, I have been more consistent with writing over the last 10 days than I have in over half a year and I have noticed a difference to say the least. Now seeing this in front of me I ask myself, well what has been different? My habits have been different, that's an easy one, I've begun to do my basics again, I have been consistent with my writing, I have been redirecting the energy that I would have in the past used to watch porn, etc. I feel at the time of this writing as if, "what's the point?" I'm being consistent with my habits, I am not watching porn, I am being present with my family and spending quality time with them, so what's wrong. I see realize and understand that change can occur immediately, but that does not mean that there will be a difference in terms of monetary result immediately, and thus I find the root of my discontentment. I'm sick of barely having enough money or just straight up not having enough money, I am sick of not being able to live the way I want to live because I am financially incapable of doing so, I am sick of having to decide between simple luxuries, like ice cream, a new water bottle, amenities for our home, etc. because I know that more often than not we are in a budget deficit at the end of the month, and that is what I want to change, I want to have financial abundance, I want to be financially independent, I want to be able to go through my life and KNOW that money will never be the reason why I do not live the life that is possible. I see realize and understand if I want to lead a life of financial abundance, free of financial worries, and full of possibility, that I must create that. It will not happen for me, it will not magically come to me, I must go out and create that

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to put myself into positions where I have no money, barely just enough money, or not enough money to live the life of my desires, I see realize and understand that within this point there is a resistance to the having of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that if I can just work harder then I will have the financial abundance I desire, I see realize and understand the people that work the hardest (e.g. blue collar workers) will rarely if ever come close to the financial abundance that I desire, within this I see realize and understand that those who work for 40+ years of their life doing hard work on average make less $2,000,000 over the course of their entire lives and yet many including myself believe that if we can just work harder, that will solve our financial problems, not seeing realizing and understanding that while working hard is a necessary factor in success that doing manual labor is not the vehicle that will enable one to have financial freedom and so I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that just working hard alone will not yield the result that I am looking for 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have resistance to making a lot of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have resistance to having more than enough money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot have a lot of money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot have more than enough money

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have resistance towards having millions of dollars

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to have resistance towards having billions of dollars

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot have millions of dollars

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot make hundreds of thousands of dollars

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that I cannot make tens of thousands of dollars on a regular basis

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to believe that there is something special about me where it will be difficult specifically for me to have financial abundance

I see realize and understand that I have terrible programs/belief systems about making a lot of money and that if I continue to resist money or believe I cannot/do not deserve to have a lot of money, I will never be able to live the life of financial freedom that I envision and so 

I commit myself to ask my parents about their belief systems involving money to understand the root of my programming

I commit myself to create a life of financial abundance where I make tens of thousands of dollars regularly, hundreds of thousands of dollars, millions of dollars, and even billions of dollars and to never give up on myself in that journey