Day 46

 Resistance. 

Gracie suggested I find a way to make writing fun, so here I am. Having a blast....

not really

I am struggling with this. I don't want to do. I am making excuses about not seeing the value, not understanding the point, but that is one of the lessons I think is crucial for me to really grasp at this point in my life is that when you commit to doing something, it needs to get done. No further discussions, no renegotiations, no falling through.

Now obviously as I have learned over the last several months between my campylobacter situations and Gracie's stint in the hospital emergencies do happen, but rules aren't made for the 1% of exceptions, they are made for the 99% of occurrences.

99% of the time, there is nothing so significant going on that I am unable to follow through on my commitments, but not 99% do I do what I committed to do. Hmm interesting

If you ask me it's about time I learned how to follow through

RULE

5 minute brain dump

5 self-forgiveness statements

1 commitment statement

must be written and read aloud in the same day to count as a pass

that is the commitment I made to myself for the quarter. I believe I am over 50% but I don't think I have made it all the way to 75%

now granted there was a 1% occurrence during this quarter with Gracie being admitted to the hospital so I wouldn't expect a clean 100% passing rate, but I was missing days before she was admitted and I have missed days since she has been home. I believe we should all give ourselves some grace, but a line needs to be drawn indicating we simply just are not committed. 

I feel better now, it felt good to write that and it was real. 

It's time to do better

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not learn the skill of following through with commitments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to, when and as I make a commitment, create a backdoor for myself wherein I accept and allow myself to not follow through with the commitment 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not intentionally build the skill of following through with my commitments

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to participate in resistance to change by not following through with commitments 

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to not see realize and understand that I have been building a skill of not following through with commitments and have unconsciously, yet willingly gotten really good at it

I commit myself to, after putting my family to sleep every night, complete my writing before getting on my phone or participating in distractions